he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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