Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize