is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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