you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
