If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
