She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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