I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
