i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
