Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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