I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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