Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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