Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
