my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
