considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
