Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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