It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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