You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
birth control should be required to get into college
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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