I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
