I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
