My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
