Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My penis needs a shock collar
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
