best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
