dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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