I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
