apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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