Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
