my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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