Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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