I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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