I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
