my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
