Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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