Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
