officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Terrible idea I love it
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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