It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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