I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize