dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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