i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
