yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize