dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
