hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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