what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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