ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
