my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
