You just made me feel so damn special
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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