Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
