All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize