am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
