I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you would pick up someone in the library
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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