I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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