HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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