Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
