I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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