if i died would you start the facebook group?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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