Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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