Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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