He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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