have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
