real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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