i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
