i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
