Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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