Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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