Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
