You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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