His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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