How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
