We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize