The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
